dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
