You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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