Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
