I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize