Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
