So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
