Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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