I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
