The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
