Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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