So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We are all done wearing pants today
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
