we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
