Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Please, let me fuck your mom
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
