it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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