Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
