There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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