it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
