so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
