I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
