When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
