I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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