yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
