I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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