I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
