So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
