i just wanna soil my oats bro
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
