another moral hangover. fuck.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize