I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
