I hope mine doesn't look like that
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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