what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
