u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Randomize