Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
