Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize