It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
