So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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