Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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