Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
