It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
bring money and cleavage
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
