Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
