oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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