My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
