you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
