I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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