Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
