with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
