Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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