Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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