pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
