You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
