Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
