He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
