His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it's like heaven, but drunker
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
