? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
