I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
