just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We were destined to go to rehab together
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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