I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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