I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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