Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
