That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
