Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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