Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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