I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
