I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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