I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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