All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
