just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
