Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
