I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
