I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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