HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
