my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
