you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hippo gnu deer
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
