lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The struggles of a small town man whore
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
