Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize