when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
