she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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